Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
