dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
then he tried to convert me to islam
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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