either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
