If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love having hate sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
