i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
