hotel room ftw
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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