just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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