she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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