the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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