Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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