I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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