I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
