eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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