Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
