This is not my ceiling
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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