I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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