hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
