Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
