Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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