Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
