The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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