So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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