You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
