It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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