I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
