Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
