Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
