I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize