This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
