Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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