When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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