It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
