Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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