I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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