I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still dying that you shit outside
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm really busy with my period
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