Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
