I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
