know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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