I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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