I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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