I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
