the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I look better un-naked...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
