Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
