If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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