You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
