I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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