Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
