1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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