i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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