My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
