Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
