I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize