I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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