she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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