drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
