No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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