i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
