Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
