I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
