Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
