I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
