Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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