my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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