I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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