imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
