chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
