It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
