i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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