I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
