The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
