Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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