So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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