batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
